Leila, Our Avenger

          I don’t even know where to begin. I wasn’t planning on writing anything about this but this overwhelming feeling came over me while I was sitting down during the presentation for the big reveal a few Saturdays ago (4/7/2018) and I just had to write about this experience. First off, let me just say how grateful my family is to have friendships like Josh and Roxana’s in our lives. We don’t live near each other and hardly saw each other when we lived in the same state (thank goodness for social media though) but we really are grateful to know these awesome humans. 

          This story really begins when Roxana reached out to me to see if I knew any kids that had any disabilities. Her husband, Josh is a pretty amazing photographer and he was working on a project that focused on kids that had disabilities. I wasn’t able to help too much during that time with ideas or sources. Roxana actually confided in me with what the project was about. Josh was going to photograph kids with different disabilities and make them look like The Justice League. I am familiar with Josh’s photography style so I was really looking forward to it. PLUS! I am a huge geek when it comes to DC Comics. I have loved superheroes for as long as I can remember.

          What was really cool to me was the fact that Roxana trusted me enough to tell me this super secret project. I asked her if it was cool if I told my husband and she said that was fine. I know there were others out there that knew about it but I was so happy to be involved even in the tiniest of ways. I was completely blown away when the final results were revealed. The photos went viral and the kids featured… they really are super heroes.

In case you have not seen them… Here are the Justice League Kids.

(pretty freaking awesome, right?)

          Around late November of last year, Roxana reached out once more and asked me if I knew any kids that have been bullied. Nothing instantly came to mind. I asked her around early December if I could ask on Facebook and maybe people would reply. I got the go ahead and did it and was taken completely by surprise by how many of my friends have been bullied themselves or have kids that are or were bullied in the past. It completely broke my heart. I knew it was a big problem but I guess putting faces to the problem is what really did it for me. A lot of my friends that replied told me their kid’s stories and I just could not believe these sweet kids have dealt with this kind of stuff. A lot of these kids I have known for years and watched them grow up. I couldn’t believe all the horrible things I was just learning about. Before I actually posted the status on my FB, Roxana again confided in me what the bullying project was going to be about.

THE FREAKING AVENGERS!

           Anyone who knows me knows that I am crazy about the Avengers and with Infinity War coming out, I was super pumped for anything related to them, especially the Hulk. I have been obsessed with Bruce Banner/Hulk since I was a little girl. During those next few days, Roxana and I were in touch a lot because I was trying to get information from the replies I got on FB. But during that time, I was talking to my husband about the project (again, with permission from Roxana) and we both came to a sad realization.

          First, we remembered how our daughter Leila dealt with something really sad when she started 7^th grade. That was the year she started seeing a therapist for depression and anxiety and started taking medication. I remember she told us that a boy in class was listening to her when she was talking to her friend about different issues. For some reason, the boy felt like he needed to yell it out to the class, insult her and make fun of her in front of everyone and call her names because of the therapy and medication. Leila was upset and sad, but luckily she told us about it the very same day it happened. That moment set off a string of events that have spread out over these last few years. That very moment though, it has stuck with her since.

But let me go back a years before that…

          When Leila was 3 years old, she was sitting in one of those plastic lawn chairs and got up on it, leaned the wrong way and fell. She fell right into the corner of a wall in my mom’s living room and when she got up, she was bleeding right above her left eye. I freaked out and my sister helped me with taking her to the ER. Our car actually died on the way to the hospital. It was such a mess. I actually was holding Leila in my arms, knocking on doors, begging for someone to please take me to the hospital. I must have looked crazy with my kid bleeding in my arms, and my eyes bloodshot from crying. This complete stranger answered her door and was kind enough to take us to the ER. I never got her name but I will never EVER forget her and her generosity.

          Leila had to have stitches and has had a scar over her left eye ever since. Cut to a few years later and she is now in elementary school… Leila told us a bunch of kids started calling her Harry Potter because of the scar. From what I know, she never cried over it. She did ask people to stop repeatedly but it has been an ongoing thing she has been dealing with for years. It does hurt her feelings and even when she tells people to stop, she is often met with comments like, “Oh I’m just kidding, calm down!” or “You’re making a big deal out of nothing!”

          That was when the realization came up… Our daughter had been dealing with bullying for years. We don’t know why we never addressed it as that. We talked about each situation and advised on how to help or what to do. But the word “bullied” was never really uttered.

          My daughter is so much like me, but in other ways is absolutely nothing like me and for that, I am grateful. This is what I mean and hopefully it will make more sense as I explain. My husband and I are polar opposites when it comes to communication. I can be loud, very expressive and vocal, and will definitely say something when I feel something is wrong. I think that is a good quality to have, but at times, it can be very bad. My husband on the other hand hates confrontation. He is so much better at letting things go or simply moving on. Again, a great quality to have, but at times can backfire. This is one of the ways I am very glad my daughter isn’t like me. She is just like him. She does not make a big deal out of things and is just all around sweet and doesn’t like to make others feel bad. My husband and I pride ourselves in raising such a caring and loving daughter. But because of this, it has lead to other bullying issues.

          Leila does not like confrontation and would much rather ignore dumb remarks, which is great! In this way, I am glad she does not fly off the handle as I have been known to do (don’t worry, I have gotten much better). We often tell her to not say anything and to ignore people who are rude. But when it comes to constant insults, that is where the issue lies. Sometimes, she is just too nice. I love that my daughter is nice. I love that we have raised such a kind hearted young lady. Sometimes though, it can break my heart that there are people out there that see that and take 100% advantage of it.

          When we were discussing Josh’s Avengers project, we started to remember all the years with the ridiculous Harry Potter comments, we were immediately brought back to the time she was in 7^th grade and that boy taunted her about going to therapy. We did not realize that this had actually been bullying. Just because there is not one repeated offender, it does not make it any less hurtful. We started to piece things together. Every year that she has been in junior high, there have been ongoing issues. Counting the comments about her scar, add the specific hateful remarks from that first boy… we noticed her self-esteem dwindle. Plus, that was when she started medication and going to therapy. So, as her parents, we knew that this was going to be an uphill battle.

          One random day, she told us she wanted to start taking boxing lessons. We searched and searched but didn’t really find anything that fit our schedule. It wasn’t until a co-worker and friend told me about AbsoluteMMA. We figured the closest thing Leila would like is Kickboxing. In fact, my husband and I were so certain of it, we were already searching online for what kind of gear we were going to buy her. At Absolute MMA, they offer a free week trial, so Leila took every single class for one week to see what she liked best. She tried Judo, Kickboxing, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, Wrestling and Muay Thai. We were all surprised when she said she liked Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu the most and that was the only class she wanted to focus on. We signed her up and she has been with them since. They have become such an amazing support system for her and our family. This summer, she will be at Absolute for 3 years and they have been great. They have not only helped her become physically strong (Seriously! Her choke holds are NO JOKE!) but they have helped tremendously with her self-esteem.

To her professors at Absolute, Pedro and Rob, and everyone who has helped her grow… 

THANK YOU. 

I don’t think they really know how much they have helped our family. All I can really say is thank you.

(Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu competition!)

(She trained super hard for this one! No snacks for a whole month before competition)

(Leila earning a new stripe on her belt from Professor Rob!)

Absolute MMA let the kids involved in the project come train for free for a month. This was taken on one of the last days. Top from left, Drax (Jaron), Star Lord (Joshua), Maria Hill (Leila) Bottom from left Hawkeye (Miles) Dr. Strange (Jackson)

          Absolute MMA has helped her evolve into a stronger person. She is still growing and will continue to grow, of course. My husband and I do firmly believe that this was a big stepping stone in what has helped her these last few years. Besides the little hair styles, she has also been more open about her interests and has even asked us if she could start singing lessons. We are so happy she is exploring new things and taking on new interests. She wants to start taking guitar lessons, so if you have any info, shoot me a message! She started taking singing lessons this past February and even tried out for choir for the high school next year. That’s not the only recent thing either. She participated in a very important assembly at her school not long ago. The assembly focused on diversity, acceptance and resilience. How perfect! She performed a bachata routine with a little group from an after school program.

(This is the bachata performance. Leila was hit with a case of the giggles throughout. Love this girl)

          As much as BJJ has helped her with self-esteem, it did not stop any future bullying. For all of us who have attended junior high, we know how cruel some kids can be. This is no exception to my daughter’s junior high experience. With this great lift in her self-esteem, Leila started trying to do her hair in cute little different styles. Sadly, this was met with hateful remarks from “popular” girls at her school. Girls started calling her ugly and weird. All because she wanted to try something new with her hair. There was one girl in particular who just taunted her repeatedly and it seemed that every opportunity that presented itself, this girl would go out of her way to insult Leila and try to make her feel bad. There is no real reason why; they were never friends, they don’t even have mutual friends. It was just a classic hateful bully with no agenda other than to try to bring others down.

          The very few people that I have shared this with have all said the same thing, “Leila should just beat her up!” A part of me agrees, but a bigger more responsible part of me disagrees completely. While I agree that my daughter is more than capable enough to do this, her heart is just too tender to pick a fight with a legitimate stranger who she just happens to attend the same school with. This all connects to before how I said how nice my daughter is. Yes, she has been in BJJ for almost 3 years and definitely has the tools to defend herself if something were to happen but I gotta tell you, I am glad she is not taking advantage of that knowledge each time someone hurts her feelings or makes her upset.

          This particular girl had never gotten physical with Leila. I think for me, as the mom, that is the biggest deciding factor about any fighting. My husband and I have both told Leila to never hit anyone, especially if they are just saying rude remarks. If it gets to the point of threatening or something that is getting too out of hand (verbally, mentally, emotionally), there are certain steps she needs to take.

• First, talk to her vice principals at school and let us know immediately of the situation. It SHOULD be fixed after that. 
• If the problem continues, then us parents will go meet with whoever was supposed to fix it. 
• If the problem continues or gets worse (physical), we have told Leila to fight back. To defend herself no matter what. 

          We both told her on multiple occasions that if she were to get suspended, we would take her out for ice cream and be more proud than ever because she did what she had to do and took all the proper steps. Luckily, for our family, no bully has tried to get physical with her and we really hope it stays that way.

          Sadly, there have been incidents where it didn’t involve strangers. People that our daughter has called “friends” have treated her badly. We do have serious conversations about this and how a friend should act. When these so called friends have slapped her, tripped her, insulted her and then brushed it off as a joke, it is so infuriating to think they see it as “cute” or “funny”. Leila isn’t the only one dealing with this kind of stuff. It really is very unfortunate. Leila doesn’t hang out with these people outside of school, she knows better than that. It is kind of hard to avoid people when you attend the same school though. Even though she knows how they can be mean, Leila herself has said, “They’re teenagers, mom. That’s how they are.” She is friendly with them, even with how they act. Like I said: tender heart.

          When we started to talk about doing this Avengers project, we knew Leila would be excited. Hello! A Josh Rossi photoshoot is always a reason for excitement. We were 100% honest with her from the very beginning; people are going to ask questions, your story will be out there in the open, a lot of people are going to read about it. Believe me… we have heard it all already.

“This might cause her to be bullied even more!” 
 

“She’s seriously complaining about people just saying a few mean things?” 

“She needs to just toughen up!”

“Why didn’t she just beat them up?”

          It is so exhausting to hear “advice” from people who really have no idea the things that our family has been through. Our daughter really is a fierce warrior. The things she has dealt with personally, emotionally and especially mentally are enough to bring anyone down. We have dealt with running away, suicide scares, self-harm, emotional break downs, inpatient care and serious mental health issues. These teen years are tough. My husband and I remember ours clearly. It isn’t a cake walk. We often wish we could just snap our fingers and make all of her issues go away. I think most parents do whenever their children are in pain, no matter their age.

          We really discussed all kinds of possibilities, pros and cons to participating in this project. I cannot stress it enough… we are incredibly proud of her for deciding to participate in the Avengers project. Can you imagine? Sharing something super personal with the world? Sure, for those of us who have social media, we post about our day/moods/activities. This is different though. I know there are adults out there that would not be okay sharing this kind of information for everyone to know. For that very reason, Leila is one of the bravest people I know.

          When she officially decided that she wanted to be a part of the project, Roxana messaged me and asked me, “How does Leila feel about Maria Hill?”

Ummm….. Nick Fury’s #1 agent??? WE LOVE HER! 

I should also state we had been watching all the MCU movies since the beginning of this year in preparation for Infinity War so we knew Maria Hill was going to be coming up in a few of the movies and we were PUMPED. We have been fans of Cobie Smulders (Maria Hill) for years! We have loved her as Robin in How I Met Your Mother and she is perfect as Maria Hill.

Maria Hill is LEGEN...wait for it... DARY!

It is safe to say that Leila jumped right on board with portraying Maria Hill. She’s tough, she can take care of herself and she is loyal. Perfect. While waiting for the Avengers to assemble, the excitement for the upcoming photo shoot started to set in.

(Leila getting her hair and make up done by the wonderful Eve Keener on the day of the shoot)

(Practicing different poses with Josh)

(Josh doing photography and Leila's dad, doing video)

(Leila with the wonderful Roxana. We love you, Roxana!)

(The Avengers from the 2nd photo shoot. Thank you so much to the Rossi's. The wonderful lady right next to Leila is the one and only Julie Whiteley. She made all the kids costumes. It took her over 3 months! Thank you, Julie!)

         
          Leila was dealing with all of the issues I listed well after the Harry Potter thing started. But ridiculing her over going to therapy and taking medication while she was already feeling down, does no one any good. EVER. This is why we are glad she constantly chooses kindness. Don’t get us wrong, we do deal with attitude issues as well. She is a teen girl after all! We deal with the boy drama, not wanting to do homework, and of course, how much she can be on her phone. Overall, she is a great kid who I am proud to say I look up to.

(Our Maria Hill. We love this girl so much)

          If you or anyone you know that may reading is has felt alone or even suicidal, please know this… you are loved and you matter. I know what that feels like and it is such a dark place and it’s even darker when you are trying to pull a loved one out of it, but please don’t lose hope. Please ask for help. Help is there. Please don't give up. We know the world can sometimes be an ugly place, but it can also be so beautiful and worthwhile.

If you feel like you need help, please call the Suicide Prevention Line 800-273-8255

I have been so incredibly uplifted and touched by all the kids that have shared their stories with the world. They are so brave and I have come to love them all. They will always a very special place in my heart.

(Waiting for the big reveal on 4/7/18 hosted by SendOutCards!)

(SendOutCards surprised the kids with their photo framed while they were on stage!)

(Leila with her grandparents after the reveal. They had no idea about the photo shoot. We kept it a very good secret for months!)

          The biggest take away we would want anyone that may read Leila's story is this:

Be kind. Be kind to everyone. 

You really don’t know what people may be dealing with and you don’t know if an insult that may seem innocent could really push someone over the edge. Being friendly and nice to everyone is free and you will always be the better person because of it. This is a lesson I am trying to learn from Leila daily and her kindness and bravery really makes me proud to call her my daughter.

(Happy family! These are my favorite humans in the whole wide world)

 (This is the video that was shown at the reveal. All of us parents shed tears and clapped like crazy. Huge thank you again to the tremendous duo that is Josh and Roxana Rossi. Thank you for everything)

(Final Result. It is safe to say we were all blown away by Josh's talent. It has been an honor meeting and getting to know these brave Avengers)


If you want to see the full project and learn more about these awesome kids, go to Josh's page HERE.


Thank you to my mom for all the late night talks when Leila was at her lowest and we were just really struggling with what to do. 
Thank you to my brother and sister for letting me vent and for being understanding and loving Leila no matter what. Even though they weren't going through something similar, they still offered all they could with what little they personally knew.
Thank you to my in laws for visiting her the instant she got home from her last hospital stay and never treating her any different.
Thank you to Leila's few good friends who have stuck with her throughout the years, no matter what. You guys are amazing! 
Thank you to our friends in our ward for always uplifting her spirit.
Thank you to my husband for being my rock through the darkest of times and for being the absolute best dad a girl could ever ask for.
Most of all, thank you to Leila for helping me grow and helping me understand more about acceptance and tolerance.
 Last but not least, thank you to you! If you read this until the end, you the real MVP! Thank you for allowing me to share my Leila's story.